We named our party play list daddy issues
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
