I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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