Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
