those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
