So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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