She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
