I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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