I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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