wanna go halves on a baby?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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