i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
