i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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