So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
