ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
