a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
