Welp...herpes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
