Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
