he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did i just pee glitter
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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