Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
