Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
