just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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