I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
