It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
