the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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