It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
