Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
