Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
