She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
