Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this boner is exhausting
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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