The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
