I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the day after is always just damage control
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my poor anus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
