Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
