If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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