he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
