I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
