she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
