I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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