I just cut my nipple shaving
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is my gift to your gina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
