More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
