can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
