My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
