u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
