it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my shit smells like andre
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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