'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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