It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize