You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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