what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
