Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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