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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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