i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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