i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just gift wrapped bread.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
