I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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