Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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