I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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