what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
