I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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