She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
40s are totally the cure
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
