Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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