This girl is more easily done than said...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
