yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
