i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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