I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
