IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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