How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
