Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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