I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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