sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So much rum. So many feels.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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