Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
