before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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