I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
