It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
