does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
