and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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