My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
