the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
