He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
