i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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