Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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